The place where I was a little girl, who I now almost scarcely remember,
finding my way again through rocks on the misty shores to the streets
of the harbor cloaked city of Halifax.
I reach for nothing more than I can grasp
anything else would be dreaming an unrealistic portrayal of something untouchable.
Not that I fear the untouchable, but in all honesty
it’s because I wouldn’t want it in my reach.
I’m honest though, and I won’t lead you on.
I was starving for something, everything I could not have
yet, at the same time everything that I had.
I wanted not to just walk down to the harbor, but
to jump into it. Swim.
I wanted to knock on your door… I desperately wanted to see you.
again,
to be the one who is from there
with a sense of belonging,
but no…
I came to no one waiting, but everyone anticipating
my eventualities as you expected them to be.
my weakness that you did not see, my strength that I held onto.
Salt air city in the airport dream of where
you’ve always wanted to be
fuck me
was I dumbfounded,
by the exploded west coast wet dream
I was lost, but I’m found
searching for the ticket home
I want the dogeared memory of
just the horses in the field and me.
I feel useless in my being, search my soul for something more
try to hide behind
lines that have already been told.
Back in nowhere with a dream
of what I could hold.
Held the hand of my love
seeing for the first time all that he could see
of the shoreline and the city and that I could muster for him.
Though the night time held our places
deep in splendor places
rich in all the senses, he and I entangled in foreign blankets
city, mother, brother, and harbor
ocean rocks in distant spaces.
Water washed upon my dreams of what is real
and of what is.
Is what it is. what it is. what it is
